It was a graveyard smash...

monster mash

Oh 4am, don't go breakin' my heart...

Dear 4am,

We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.

As of this month, we’ve been working together for 2 years, and I thought we’d be getting along by now. I mean, there’s always a transition phase, and at first I loathed you with every fibre of my being. I know, I know, that’s a pretty harsh statement, but it’s one that I make knowing that you felt the same way.

Remember those times where you would attempt to force my eyelids to shut, even though there was still the rest of the shift and a drive home to get through? And how, for months on end, you insisted I endure those waves of nausea and sore stomachs?

Ah, memories.

Nothing Cutesy's going on the road! (If going on the road involves flying on a plane...)

 

Yes, you read right! Hold on to your knickers, cos Nothing Cutesy’s going on the road for the very first time!

If my body is a temple it’s a jumping castle full of marshmallows and caffeinated beverages

Ok, you caught me. I know that I can’t run, or hide, or even lie. You’ve seen through my act, and figured out my secret. So I’m just gonna come clean.

I have had too much caffeine.

*sob*

I thought I could handle it. I thought one more coffee would be ok. And, so help me, I thought it’d get me through the afternoon and make a long shift just that tiny bit more bearable.

It started with one cup of English Breakfast tea. Such an innocent drink. So warm and delicious, and like a hug for your tummy. I mean, it’s all British and respectable and full of wholesome goodness, right? Ok, so I’m not sure of the nutritional value of English Breakfast tea, but darn it tastes good.

Because I am clearly a genius who should always come up with every idea ever

I've finally figured it out.

It's been staring me in the face this whole time. I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise. Where, oh where, has this little thought been? Well, it doesn't matter now, because here it is for all the world to see.

Are you ready? You may want to hold on to your ears, Buster-style, for this.

He's gonna save the world...

 

I’ve really gotta stop calling people animal names...

All of us have our little verbal quirks. Some are utterly charming, and some are just plain annoying to everyone but ourselves.

I have to admit, I’m guilty of some of the most annoying. There was the time during high school where everything was “Legendary!” and everyone was a “Legend!” (Barney much?). Now everything’s “Awesome” and I say “Dude” a lot, even though it’s clearly not the late 90’s/early 2000’s anymore. I’m even irritating myself with these ones, and yet I just can’t stop. It’s like a nervous tick – the more I want to avoid the words, the more they come out.

I’m sticking by my constant use of “No worries” though, as it’s my duty as an Australian to continue saying it, especially when travelling overseas. So there.

But I’ve noticed a pattern lately that seems to be getting out of control. I’m referring to people by animal names – not in an insulting way, but more along the lines of “Oh, you lovely duckling!” and “Aren’t you a clever beagle?”.

Awkward.

This will work, right?

Don't stop my cow! She's having such a good time, she's having a ball...

Blank canvas *shudder*

Ok, hold on to your socks kiddies, I’m coming clean:

I have trouble starting things.

And by that, I mean that blank canvases freak me out. Seriously. All clean and perfect and unharmed by my intervention?

Terrifying.