Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Why surfing the net is dangerous. Sort of.

Oh dear. The internet has done it to me again.

I was looking forward to some good old random internet searching tonight, as it’s been a while since I’ve perused my favourite sites. I had visions of craft inspirations and laughter-inducing pictures of cats doing weird things dancing in my head as I snuggled up in front of the computer and typed in the usual addresses.

But here I am, 20 minutes later, feeling crap about myself and thoroughly discouraged from ever doing anything, ever again.

The internet has shown me the light. I am clearly a failure who will never be able to apply flawless liquid eyeliner, or clean my house in the correct way, or have perfect hair every day. My life is no longer worth living, as I have not yet succeeded in painting a piece of funky second-hand furniture with an awesomely bright paint. For god’s sakes, I don’t even have an oven to bake my Mario-themed cupcakes in! You’d think that this would leave me more time to stick to that very simple exercise plan that floats around in a fluoro meme, involving 20 repetitions of 20 push-ups, sit-ups, burpees, star jumps, squats and lunges, but I can’t even get motivated enough for that!

That’s it. I’m just gonna lie here and think about how I’m wasting my life. Go ahead, step over my immobile body. Maybe you could lie some hand-made origami flowers upon it, and say some nice things about how I once had the best intentions to be arty and crafty and organised and fit and clean?

“She was hopeless,” they will say. “But she always had the best intentions.”

Rest in peace, my talents and ambitions. I shall miss you.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

Read my lips (and then donate to them too!)

Pucker up and get ready folks, cos Nothing Cutesy’s applying the lipgloss every day in September!

I will be participating in Liptember, a fundraiser raising awareness and monies for women’s health. Specifically, mental health issues in women. Here, the website says it better than me...

Basically, it’s like Movember, but for women. So instead of growing a moustache (which, to be honest, I would be terrible at) I will be wearing this lovely lipgloss for the entirety for September, day in, day out.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Driving, ranting, rah rah rah

My life is turning into one giant stream of “The closer you get, the slower I go”.

Well, my driving life, anyway.

It seems that for the past month, every time I get out on the road there’s some loon sitting as close as possible to the rear end of my car, hovering menacingly in an attempt to make me either exceed the speed limit or move out of their way. It doesn’t matter whether I’m crawling along in peak hour traffic, cruising in regular, speed-limit abiding traffic, or the only other car on the road (and also in the left lane with a perfectly free middle lane on my right). There they are, so close I can barely see their headlights in the rear vision mirror.

Before I continue my rant, let me get a few things straight. I’m not a slow driver. I am also not a fast driver, because I am a rule-abider who likes to do the speed limit. Call me what you will, but know that  I also do not like going stupidly slow because the person in the car in front of me is deciding to take a leisurely drive at 40kph in a 110kph zone in a place where I cannot overtake. I experience the frustration often, yet because I am a polite person who tries her darndest to be a nice person also, I try to be patient.

I mean, I yell and scream and rant at the slowpoke, but in the confines of my car where the person cannot hear me. Clearly. I’m patient and polite, yes, but rude and mean I am not.

Unlike some of the “people” I have encountered in the past month.