Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Why surfing the net is dangerous. Sort of.

Oh dear. The internet has done it to me again.

I was looking forward to some good old random internet searching tonight, as it’s been a while since I’ve perused my favourite sites. I had visions of craft inspirations and laughter-inducing pictures of cats doing weird things dancing in my head as I snuggled up in front of the computer and typed in the usual addresses.

But here I am, 20 minutes later, feeling crap about myself and thoroughly discouraged from ever doing anything, ever again.

The internet has shown me the light. I am clearly a failure who will never be able to apply flawless liquid eyeliner, or clean my house in the correct way, or have perfect hair every day. My life is no longer worth living, as I have not yet succeeded in painting a piece of funky second-hand furniture with an awesomely bright paint. For god’s sakes, I don’t even have an oven to bake my Mario-themed cupcakes in! You’d think that this would leave me more time to stick to that very simple exercise plan that floats around in a fluoro meme, involving 20 repetitions of 20 push-ups, sit-ups, burpees, star jumps, squats and lunges, but I can’t even get motivated enough for that!

That’s it. I’m just gonna lie here and think about how I’m wasting my life. Go ahead, step over my immobile body. Maybe you could lie some hand-made origami flowers upon it, and say some nice things about how I once had the best intentions to be arty and crafty and organised and fit and clean?

“She was hopeless,” they will say. “But she always had the best intentions.”

Rest in peace, my talents and ambitions. I shall miss you.


Why does this happen?

The world wide web can be a danger, especially for those who may be craftily-inclined like myself. Pinterest is my go-to for craft ideas. And general funny pictures. Like the emo bunny I found today...

You go little emo bunny. I believe in you.

If I’m having a good internet day, I can feel inspired and motivated and excited. I mean, the things that can be done with chalkboard paint and glass jars! The thousands of ways to make flowers and decorations out of tissue paper! And who knew you could do so many cool things with food dye and cake batter?

Oh, the possibilities...

But then I’ll have a day like today. Where I’m overwhelmed by the amount of activities, both crafty and general life-y, that I have ahead of me. When browsing through Pinterest or The Beauty Department or Hello Giggles only reminds me of how snowed-under I already am. Instead of filing things away for future reference or just generally window-shopping, I just start to feel like I’m not good enough, because I can’t do everything that I already have to do PLUS paint my nails to look like cupcakes.

Although...I should put that on my to-do list. Mmm, cupcake nails.

I’m actively avoiding some of the blogs out there in cyberspace that make me feel particularly bad about myself. You know the ones. We’ve all stumbled across them at one point or another. The ones that are run by mums and dads with 5 kids, who post impeccable photos of their family alongside their hair tutorials, craft tutorials, homemade furniture tutorials, photography tips, links to their Etsy shops and blogs bragging about how much they get done in a day after they’ve worked 8 hours and done a full spring clean of their already shiny house. Or the ones where they write a very intelligent-sounding essay about a movie or book every single day, and blog about their ah-mazing! life too.

I’m smart enough to know that, like most social media users, these people are clearly lying. Or at least glossy-ing up the truth. People generally either sugar-coat their lives or whinge non-stop on blogs and websites. They post photos that have been professionally shot, where they have full hair and makeup and are wearing their only designer outfit. They’re not sharing with the world the times where, when they’re shooting those amazing photos of their beautiful friends on the weekend, they lose their temper at their kids because they keep running through the shots and pulling apart the tripod when Daddy’s not looking. And they’re also probably highly motivated individuals who don’t work in shiftwork like myself, and thus have boundless energy that’s unhampered by a permanent sleep debt.

I know all of this, and I am reminding myself of this at this very moment. And I plan to continue reminding myself, every time some random internet site makes me question my worth.

You know what, internet? I have many years in front of me to spend cramming in craft activities. I’m crap at cooking anyway, so I don’t need your damn cupcake recipes. And my makeup, hair and nails are pretty good...most days...sometimes...ok, ok, on the days I make an effort.

So there.

Probably should look into that exercise thingy though. Ooh, maybe Pinterest has some useful links under the “Health and Fitness” category...

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