Monday, 29 October 2012

To salute the sun, or not to salute the sun...

Ok, ok, I get it. Your signals are clear, and I am at last heeding your warnings.

So please, my dear body, stop the damn leg cramps!

I know I’ve avoided exercise for the last 3 years. Oh, boy, do I know it. Every time I walk up a set of stairs I know it.

Damn you, stairs.

I get that the weight I’ve slowly accumulated around my thighs is a direct result of my lack of exercise. And also a lot of sitting on my arse at computers and on lounges in front of televisions. I guess the weight is acting as padding to make these activities more comfortable? Very smart, body, but also a very good warning sign. I mean, if you feel the need to make sitting for extended periods more comfortable for my butt, it’s pretty clear that I’m doing too much of it.

Waaaaay too much of it.

Monday, 22 October 2012

And then I decided that I kinda missed stockings

I love warm weather. Warm weather is my favourite of all the weathers. Warm weather and I...we’re like this (imagine my fingers crossed). Warm weather’s my bro, my homie, my...something else 90’s sounding. So, understandably, the fact that the weather is indeed warming up makes me deliriously happy.

Today I left my house wearing a dress. This is nothing new; I wear dresses 90% of the time. But I accessorised my dress with bare legs.


Friday, 5 October 2012


I don’t know whether you’ve ever lived alone, but it is a fulfilling experience. Relying wholly and solely on yourself for everything – groceries, cooking, cleaning, well-being – is something that we don’t generally do. We live with our families, we house-share, we move in with our partners. Living alone is expensive, and it’s lonely.
But I have to say that I never found it lonely. There’s a difference between loneliness and being alone, and I don’t mind being alone. I think I thrived on finding out what I was capable of without anyone there to motivate me. Needless to say, I enjoyed the experience, and my apartment and I shared a close personal bond. It was my first house of my very own.
The place I fulfilled dreams.
The place where love was rekindled.
The place where I began to be an adult.
And, this week, the place I bid adieu to start the next stage of my life in our house of dreams.
I will miss it, my quirky little space. Yes, even the train line my kitchen window overlooked. I know that I am crazy lucky, that our house of dreams is amazing, that I’m here with my love, and that our loved ones are close by. But while I’m stepping out on the road to somewhere amazing, I’m holding close the sweet memories created in my first little place.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Why surfing the net is dangerous. Sort of.

Oh dear. The internet has done it to me again.

I was looking forward to some good old random internet searching tonight, as it’s been a while since I’ve perused my favourite sites. I had visions of craft inspirations and laughter-inducing pictures of cats doing weird things dancing in my head as I snuggled up in front of the computer and typed in the usual addresses.

But here I am, 20 minutes later, feeling crap about myself and thoroughly discouraged from ever doing anything, ever again.

The internet has shown me the light. I am clearly a failure who will never be able to apply flawless liquid eyeliner, or clean my house in the correct way, or have perfect hair every day. My life is no longer worth living, as I have not yet succeeded in painting a piece of funky second-hand furniture with an awesomely bright paint. For god’s sakes, I don’t even have an oven to bake my Mario-themed cupcakes in! You’d think that this would leave me more time to stick to that very simple exercise plan that floats around in a fluoro meme, involving 20 repetitions of 20 push-ups, sit-ups, burpees, star jumps, squats and lunges, but I can’t even get motivated enough for that!

That’s it. I’m just gonna lie here and think about how I’m wasting my life. Go ahead, step over my immobile body. Maybe you could lie some hand-made origami flowers upon it, and say some nice things about how I once had the best intentions to be arty and crafty and organised and fit and clean?

“She was hopeless,” they will say. “But she always had the best intentions.”

Rest in peace, my talents and ambitions. I shall miss you.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

Read my lips (and then donate to them too!)

Pucker up and get ready folks, cos Nothing Cutesy’s applying the lipgloss every day in September!

I will be participating in Liptember, a fundraiser raising awareness and monies for women’s health. Specifically, mental health issues in women. Here, the website says it better than me...

Basically, it’s like Movember, but for women. So instead of growing a moustache (which, to be honest, I would be terrible at) I will be wearing this lovely lipgloss for the entirety for September, day in, day out.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Driving, ranting, rah rah rah

My life is turning into one giant stream of “The closer you get, the slower I go”.

Well, my driving life, anyway.

It seems that for the past month, every time I get out on the road there’s some loon sitting as close as possible to the rear end of my car, hovering menacingly in an attempt to make me either exceed the speed limit or move out of their way. It doesn’t matter whether I’m crawling along in peak hour traffic, cruising in regular, speed-limit abiding traffic, or the only other car on the road (and also in the left lane with a perfectly free middle lane on my right). There they are, so close I can barely see their headlights in the rear vision mirror.

Before I continue my rant, let me get a few things straight. I’m not a slow driver. I am also not a fast driver, because I am a rule-abider who likes to do the speed limit. Call me what you will, but know that  I also do not like going stupidly slow because the person in the car in front of me is deciding to take a leisurely drive at 40kph in a 110kph zone in a place where I cannot overtake. I experience the frustration often, yet because I am a polite person who tries her darndest to be a nice person also, I try to be patient.

I mean, I yell and scream and rant at the slowpoke, but in the confines of my car where the person cannot hear me. Clearly. I’m patient and polite, yes, but rude and mean I am not.

Unlike some of the “people” I have encountered in the past month.

Saturday, 30 June 2012

Hypothetically speaking...

If I were stranded on a desert island, the three things I would want with me would be a ton of water, a speedboat, and enough fuel to power the speedboat home. 

Seriously, why does nobody else say that? 

Saturday, 23 June 2012

No title is good enough to describe what I saw today...

Ok, England.

First, you give me the TARDIS.

Then you give me the butterfly house.

And now you give me Diagon Alley, 4 Privet Drive and Hogwarts.

Monday, 18 June 2012

Yes, London Zoo, I will try Butterfly Paradise for some fluttery fun

Would you believe that a butterfly allowed me to get close enough to take this?

Yes, that's right folks, I am The Butterfly Whisperer.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Just call me Amy Pond and I can die happy

This day shall be recorded in history as the day of all days. I can now say that I have no more objectives to achieve here in London, nor my life. The pinnacle has been reached, and it can only be downhill from here.

Because today this happened...

YES. I met the TARDIS.

 And it was awesome. 

Friday, 8 June 2012

They should ban me from attending public events

Me at the changing of the guards yesterday...

"I don't think the guards are going to change at all.  I think they're just having a chat, and then they're gonna go back inside...

Guard 1 - Do you know, I don't feel like changing guards today.

Guard 2 - Oh, really? 

Guard 1 - No, I can't be bothered with it, really. Much better to be inside enjoying a nice cup of tea.

Guard 2 - But wouldn't that mean that you got all dressed up for nothing? Look, you're in your lovely red uniform and everything.

Guard 1 - Well, yes. But it was worth it to be able to have a lovely catch-up with you, old chap.

Guard 2 - Oh, well, that's lovely.

(long pause)

Saturday, 2 June 2012

Huzzah! I did not leave my underwear in my Kong Hong house

Hong Kong, I have been and gone, but not without leaving a part of myself behind. 

My soul, not my underwear. 

It was a short but sweet trip, filled with walking, culture and confusion over money. Darn pretty flower-shaped money, but seeing $3000 price tags does fill you with panic until the logical part of your brain converts it to $AUD. 

Clever brain. Here, have a cup of tea as a reward.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Oh 4am, don't go breakin' my heart...

Dear 4am,

We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.

As of this month, we’ve been working together for 2 years, and I thought we’d be getting along by now. I mean, there’s always a transition phase, and at first I loathed you with every fibre of my being. I know, I know, that’s a pretty harsh statement, but it’s one that I make knowing that you felt the same way.

Remember those times where you would attempt to force my eyelids to shut, even though there was still the rest of the shift and a drive home to get through? And how, for months on end, you insisted I endure those waves of nausea and sore stomachs?

Ah, memories.

Monday, 14 May 2012

Thursday, 10 May 2012

If my body is a temple it’s a jumping castle full of marshmallows and caffeinated beverages

Ok, you caught me. I know that I can’t run, or hide, or even lie. You’ve seen through my act, and figured out my secret. So I’m just gonna come clean.

I have had too much caffeine.


I thought I could handle it. I thought one more coffee would be ok. And, so help me, I thought it’d get me through the afternoon and make a long shift just that tiny bit more bearable.

It started with one cup of English Breakfast tea. Such an innocent drink. So warm and delicious, and like a hug for your tummy. I mean, it’s all British and respectable and full of wholesome goodness, right? Ok, so I’m not sure of the nutritional value of English Breakfast tea, but darn it tastes good.

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Because I am clearly a genius who should always come up with every idea ever

I've finally figured it out.

It's been staring me in the face this whole time. I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise. Where, oh where, has this little thought been? Well, it doesn't matter now, because here it is for all the world to see.

Are you ready? You may want to hold on to your ears, Buster-style, for this.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

I’ve really gotta stop calling people animal names...

All of us have our little verbal quirks. Some are utterly charming, and some are just plain annoying to everyone but ourselves.

I have to admit, I’m guilty of some of the most annoying. There was the time during high school where everything was “Legendary!” and everyone was a “Legend!” (Barney much?). Now everything’s “Awesome” and I say “Dude” a lot, even though it’s clearly not the late 90’s/early 2000’s anymore. I’m even irritating myself with these ones, and yet I just can’t stop. It’s like a nervous tick – the more I want to avoid the words, the more they come out.

I’m sticking by my constant use of “No worries” though, as it’s my duty as an Australian to continue saying it, especially when travelling overseas. So there.

But I’ve noticed a pattern lately that seems to be getting out of control. I’m referring to people by animal names – not in an insulting way, but more along the lines of “Oh, you lovely duckling!” and “Aren’t you a clever beagle?”.


Monday, 2 April 2012

Blank canvas *shudder*

Ok, hold on to your socks kiddies, I’m coming clean:
I have trouble starting things.
And by that, I mean that blank canvases freak me out. Seriously. All clean and perfect and unharmed by my intervention?