They should ban me from attending public events

Me at the changing of the guards yesterday...

"I don't think the guards are going to change at all.  I think they're just having a chat, and then they're gonna go back inside...

Guard 1 - Do you know, I don't feel like changing guards today.

Guard 2 - Oh, really? 

Guard 1 - No, I can't be bothered with it, really. Much better to be inside enjoying a nice cup of tea.

Guard 2 - But wouldn't that mean that you got all dressed up for nothing? Look, you're in your lovely red uniform and everything.

Guard 1 - Well, yes. But it was worth it to be able to have a lovely catch-up with you, old chap.

Guard 2 - Oh, well, that's lovely.

(long pause)

Guard 2 - Did you enjoy the Jubilee weekend?

Guard 1 - Oh yes, I thought it was simply smashing. I was rather sad I couldn't wear my uniform though.

Guard 2 - Oh yes, pity about those only-to-be-worn-at-work rules. These bearskin hats would have been frightfully warm against that cold breeze on the Thames.

Guard 1 - Oh, most definitely. Do you know, I was in Russia last winter, and I was most frightfully disappointed that I could not wear my bearskin there. It would have been terribly warm, you know.

Guard 2 - Keep the snow off the ears and all that.

Guard 1 - Yes, quite, quite.

Guard 2 - Rather good invention, these hats. Smashing."

...and then the guards started doing their guard thing, including playing the "Happy Days" theme, weirdly enough. And here we were hoping for Star Wars...sigh...